ADHD Survival Guide: Setting Boundaries This Holiday Season

Sometimes, a well-placed no is the ultimate form of self-care.

The holidays are supposed to be about celebration, happiness and togetherness right? But if you’re anything like me, it can quickly turn in to a calendar full of ‘yeses’ that leave you tired and overwhelmed. Saying no can feel impossible when you’re worried about letting people down, but trust me, it’s a game-changer. In this post we’re going to chat about how to set boundaries and saying no (without the guilt) so you can actually enjoy the holiday season instead of just surviving it.

Let's Talk About That Guilt Trip

I get it, saying no during the holidays feels like an impossible task. Plus as ADHDers we often feel guilty around disappointing others - Maybe we’ve had to cancel plans late minute or showed up late when our executive function was low before. But here’s a reality check, setting boundaries doesn’t mean you care less about others; it means you’re making space to actually enjoy the season without spreading yourself too thin. If you choose to attend fewer events but show up present and energised you’re actually giving everyone (even yourself) a better experience.

Holiday Self-Care Isn't Selfish (Here's Why)

Hot tip for surviving the holidays with ADHD - Take a minute right now to grab your phone and write down what actually matters to you this season. Maybe it's dinner with your family, decorating cookies and watching Christmas movies with your friends, or making the most of the Boxing Day sales. These become your non-negotiables - the moments that fill up your cup rather than draining it. Once you’ve got that list stick with it! Every time a new invitation comes in ask yourself “will this add to my holiday season, or leave me too drained to actually enjoy the things that I've said I’m prioritising?” And here’s something I've learned the hard way - actually schedule in downtime like an appointment! Block out recovery days to recharge your battery in between social events, and don’t feel guilty about needing time to decompress after a busy gathering. Your ADHD brain might need that reset time, and if it does it isn’t selfish - it’s essential for showing up as your best self in the holiday moments that truely count.

The Art of the Festive No (Without the Drama)

Now lets work on how to actually say that “no” without feeling like to worst person in the world. The first step is keep it simple and kind - you don’t need to come up with a detailed excuse or story. Try something like “Thanks so much for thinking of me! I can’t make it this year, but I'd love to catch up in January when everything is a bit less hectic.” See how that’s super simple and appreciative, while being clear about your boundary? I find it really handy to have a few go-to phrases really so you don’t have to think too much when someone asks you. If someone catches you off guard with than invitation, you can say something like “That sounds really lovely! Let me check my calendar and I’ll get back to you tomorrow” - this gives you a minute to actually process whether you have the energy and capacity to commit to it. My favourite strategy is probably this: suggesting alternatives that work better for you. Instead of going to huge holiday party that might leave you overwhelmed, maybe suggest a quick coffee or a walk in the park and a gift exchange. Trust me, most people will appreciate the honesty and they’ll be happy to see you however they can!

When They Won't Take No for an Answer

Now to the tricky part - when people push back after you’ve said no. Whether they actually will or not, if your brain can be as anxious as mine I’m sure you’d like to have something ready to say. It’s completely normal to feel a little wobbly when Aunt Susan says “but you always come to my Christmas party,” or your colleague keeps insisting “it’s just one drink after work”. Here’s the thing though, you’re not being annoying or a grinch by protecting your energy! When someone questions you, try taking a deep breath and reminding yourself of that list of things you’re choosing to prioritise instead. You could respond with something like “I really appreciate you wanting me there, my social battery needs a recharge though.” Remember you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of your ADHD or your boundaries. If the pushback continues it’s okay to be firm while staying kind: “I get that it's not the answer you were hoping for, but I've got to stick to this one. My brain will thank me later!” and here’s something to remember - the uncomfortable feeling you get when standing firm? Usually much shorter-lived than the overwhelm and exhaustion of pushing yourself too far.

Look, setting boundaries during the holidays isn't always going to feel easy, but trust me - it's absolutely worth it. As an ADHDer who used to say yes to everything (hello, January burnout!), learning to protect your energy is a total game-changer. Remember, saying no isn't about missing out - it's about making space for the good stuff that actually fills your cup. Those moments when you're fully present and actually enjoying the festive season? That's the gift you're giving yourself when you set healthy boundaries. So go on, protect that energy, honour those boundaries, and actually enjoy your whole holiday season this year.

P.S. If you're finding this whole boundary-setting thing tricky (aren't we all?), remember that like any new skill, it gets easier with practice. You've got this! 🎄✨